Instant Celeb Status

I have a friend who recently had a baby. Actually, I have several friends who have recently had babies, but I have one very good and special friend who took the time to send me pictures of said baby. The rest of them just keep their babies to themselves. While I can all but guarentee I'm not going to obsess over your baby like you will (mostly because it's YOU'RE baby, not MY baby), I thrive on being included in the freakin joy, just like anybody else, okay? Hint hint, people...

Anyway, so my friend sent me a slideshow of her beautiful new baby girl, and it got me to thinking. I was just sent an album with 71 pictures of the same person, with whom I am not personally aquainted. Let me say it again, 71 pictures of the same person. Here's one with her eyes open, one with her eyes closed, various photos in cute little outfits, here's so-and-so who's fallen asleep with her, here's her sleeping with so-and-so, posing with her arms up, posing with her drink, and lots of pictures with other people. By the time I got to the end of the pictures, I came to a very profound conclusion. Being a baby is just like being Paris Hilton.

Think about it. No, for real, think about it! Immediately loved or hated (depending on whether or not the people in the room include siblings, cousins, or eccentric older relatives who used to claim the spotlight), entering the room of some gathering, she has the attention of everyone in that room. That baby has done nothing to earn the public's interest. It can't sing, it certainly can't act; for goodness sakes, it can't even go to the bathroom on it's own. But you love it, and you give it your attention. You have to, because if you don't she'll whine and cry, and possibly do something drastic in order to bring the spotlight back to herself.

Lost as to whether I'm talking about the Hilton or the baby? So am I.

I guess when you think about it, we've all had that Paris Hilton status. We've all been in that situation with all eyes on us. She's just kept it going for longer. How did she do that? Well, lets look at what we know of the similarities between a baby and Paris Hilton:

Baby / Paris Hilton

running around naked: loves it / loves it

talking in a small voice: can't help it / chooses not to help it

limited vocabulary: goo goo / that's hot.

sleeping: a lot / around

constant companion: stuffed animal / live animal

always drinking: a bottle / yes... but not a bottle.

If reclaiming the spotlight in your own life is something you're after, I guess you could look at this as some quick tips to be able to do that. These are just a few off the top of my head. Size is an important thing to being baby/Hilton-like, too. So remember to wear anything you can to make your head look smaller in comparrison.

(Note to my friends who have yet to send me baby pics: I'm done talking about babies, it's out of my system. You may now send me those pics without fear of blogs comparing them to lewd hardcore partying celebrities.)

So how are things?

At the risk of writing about the same subject as a lot of people in January, a new year is fresh upon us. I never actually set any "New Years Resolutions," but there are some things I wanted to improve upon (doesn't everybody?) and now is as good a time as any. Not quite a full week into 2009, I thought I'd see how I'm measuring up so far on the standards I set for myself about a week ago...

I decided that 2009 is the year I'm gonna be on time to work every day. And since making that decision, I've only been late 2 times... Unfortunately I just started back to work yesterday.

I've actually been going to the gym LESS, because I can't stand those people who show up and crowd the machines for the first few weeks of January working on their resolutions. I'll be more of a regular in February, when those same people will be less frequently spotted at places containing words like "Raquetball," "Fitness," or "Active," and more frequently spotted at places with names ending in "Buffet" or "Corral."

I decided I was going to make some changes in my life, so I groomed my dog myself, who now looks like he has a rat's tail, painted my kitchen, cabinet doors are STILL on my livingroom floor, and broke up with my boyfriend for two hours. Currently wishing I had done none of these things, as all turned out to be pointless.

This summer, I am going skydiving. I think everyone should plan to do one wild and crazy thing a year. All the other wild and crazy things you do through the year, however, should be totally spontaneous.

Everyone in the world should go see the movie Fireproof. Everyone. And bring your friends.
I'm reading the Bible in 90 days. 13 chapters a day for 90 days. Totally doable, and it's like having a "How To" guide for life, so... Pretty important.

You may find yourself wondering in the upcoming months, especially the warmer ones, "Why strive for any more? Life's pretty good. Gas prices are down, I wake up every morning and see the sun rise over the beach horizon... because that's what I set my google page to at work, have my cup of coffee-"

no, scratch that. Coffee is so 2008...

"have my cup of green tea loaded with enough honey to put a small horse into diabetic shock (because that is the way people will drink it in 09. And by people, I mean me), work your job routine in your sleep, partly because you know it so well, and partly because you've stopped drinking coffee, then drive home in decent traffic to your kitchen cabinets on the floor and your rat tailed dog." Maybe have some more tea. Maybe a gallon of ice cream. Maybe even find a tea flavored ice cream, you know there's one out there somewhere. Maybe just say screw it, and take a nap that ends tomorrow morning when you wake up late for work again thinking, "Ok, tomorrow, I'm DEFINITELY gonna be on time!" You may think you have enough. You're finally there; you've finally made it to where you want to be.

Well my friend, do you know what comes of that? December of 2009 rolls around, as it inevitably will, and you're making resolutions for 2010 that sound incredibly familiar.

People should make July resolutions. Everything you're anticipating 2009 to be starts to get pretty foggy right around then, doesn't it? That's about the time you're sitting at the Golden Corral, plate number 4, thinking "Why did I get that gym membership? I have to pay for it every month and I haven't been since February."

Not YOU, but I'm just saying, you know people right? Moving on...

That's why people don't remember to do what they set out to do. A year is a really really really long time, you know? And lets face it, we are procrastinators by nature. I heard someone once make a New Years resolution not to procrastinate, it was the most absurd thing I'd ever heard of, because YOU KNOW you don't start thinking about your resolutions until about the November/December time frame. Then it's like, "Oh yeeaaaah, I WAS gonna run that marathon. I'd train now but it's SO cold... and there's not one going on, so... NEXT year is my year, though."

January resolutions are a sham. You want to change your life? Figure out what you want and write it down.

Then make copies.

Then post it everywhere you look, refridgerator, door, bathroom mirror, bedroom ceiling, car windshield, write it backwards on your forehead, just keep it in fromt of you. Then make more resolutions in July. I think I'll write a blog about it, when July comes around. I don't need to write it down, though, I'll remember.