Congratulations! Now I owe you a cookie! Not just any cookie, either, one of those way awesome, gooey on the inside, crispy on the outside, walk by it in the mall and it smells oh, so delicious MALL cookies.
You know what I'm talking about. You're just walking down the mall hall, minding your own business. Maybe you're shopping, maybe just browsing. Maybe you're doing the look-at-your-phone-and-avoid-eye contact with the kiosk worker who wants to talk to you about your skin care/cell phone/hair crimper-curler-straightener/fingernails/chinese massage options. If you're anything like me, you're shopping AND avoiding eye contact, because you ALREADY PURCHASED the nail shiner and hand cream kit, with a second one for free for $75.
Sure, you thought you'd give that second one away. Then you left it sitting out and your dog decided that that picture of the dead sea on the cover looked more enticing than a pile of sausage and bacon, so he tore into it and you came home to a pile of box. Next to a pile of something else, left as a reminder that you need to come home sooner and let him out.
But ok, so you're walking, you're walking, you're walking, you're- Oh MY! What is that magnificent aroma? I feel weak in the knees... Oh, I know what it is... they just pulled a batch of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven at the cookie place. Fresh chocolate chip cookies.
Did you know that there's an extra fee if you use your credit card on a purchase there less than $5? What the heck?
You could buy TWO cookies, but all you wanted was the one cookie.
You could pay the fee, but then you're paying extra money for a non-service.
Now you have it, my real motivation for writing this blog.I want a cookie too.And I'd rather buy an extra cookie for you rather than a lame fee that those cookie people can get rich off of. OH NO YOU DON'T, cookie people. I want cookies for my money. Not fees, cookies.
So the next time you and I are in the mall, and we pass the cookie place, you have to remind me, "Hey Audrey, do you remember that you said if I read your goofy blog about nothing, you told me you'd buy me a cookie?"
And I'll look right at you, right into your eyes and I'll say, "Indeed I did. Let us go and have our cookies." Or something like that, I don't know what I'll say exactly, but I'll agree.
And we will go to the cookie place, you and I!
And we will get their freshest cookies. And if there are some in the oven that are almost finished, we will wait for them.
We will get our cookies, and they will be delicious.
Or maybe they will suck because the cookie place is having an off day, then, and only then, will we double back to an Auntie Anne's pretzel.
As a famous blue monster (known for his love of the delicious round pastery) once said, "C is for cookie, and that's good enough for me."
Monday, February 16, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Small Victories
This week, I zipped up my skinny jeans.
I know that there are some people out there (and by some people, I mean some guys) who don't understand the massive feeling of achievement that comes with being able to say that sentence.
I'll try to convey the excitement to you, here's my story.I am 5 feet, 10 inches tall and I'm no stranger to carbohydrates. In high school I was really never very active. I loved activities that involved eating, watching tv or movies, and going out with friends (usually to a place where we would be eating or watching tv and movies). My senior year of high school, I topped off at my heaviest in a size 20, and around 220 lbs. On top of that, I went to Anderson High School. Anderson, unless something has changed in the last 5 years, is a school for pretty people. I look back sometimes and wonder if there was some sort of behind the scenes screening process that happened that I was unaware of, because I remember being surrounded by pretty people. Skinny, pretty people.
Not everyone, but those of us who were not skinny pretty people were severely outnumbered, ok?
Anyway, eventually I decided that enough was enough. With the help of my mom and grandma, and Weight Watchers, I started dieting and excersizing and little by little, the weight came off. I was healthier and happier. I overcame depression, got a boyfriend, wore cuter clothes, joined up with stuff at school, I graduated a size 12, and my senior year was the best year of my life up to that point.
The following year I was in a 10 and vacationed on the beach, got a tan, started at UC, got in tight with a close and supportive group of friends from work, spent a lot of time at the lake, and that was the best year of my life up to that point.
The following year I maintained my size, moved to a better paying location at the same job, found myself single and STILL fabulous, kept those close friends, started a business, gained independence by moving out on my own, and dealt with the trials that come with that independence. I went through some hard circumstances that year, but I came out stronger and wiser, and with a renewed faith in Jesus and that was the best year of my life up to that point.
Then a couple of years passed, and I did the one thing that is absolutely murder to productivity. I got comfortable.
I fell into a routine and let a lot of things slip, health being one of those things. over the next couple of years I sloooooowly eased into larger clothes. It was like, "Mmmm, these are a little tight, they must have shrunk in the closet! Stupid closet." I mean, look at where I came from in high school! I still look GOOD! Womens sizes are so hard to read, plus EVERYONE is making everything so much SMALLER these days. Just get the higher size, it's not like other people can read your size tag when you're wearing them anyway. Also, come on, I'm 5'10" I'm not supposed to be TOO small...I made excuses all the way to the mall where I bought my pants in a size 11 again.
Then a 12.
Then a 13.
Then last year, I bought a pair of jeans in a 14, and it hit me. I'm going the wrong way! It hit me like a mack truck when my bff started loosing weight with her personal trainer... while I was gaining the weight with MY personal trainer (Maybe you've heard of him, the Colonel? Mr McDonald? Also sometimes goes by Mr Skyline or uses the female alias, Wendy?).
I was living in the glory of an acomplishment I had once achieved. I had worked hard for something, and I wanted to continue basking in the glory of, "Hey check out how awesome I am!" without doing the work required to maintain it.How many of us do that?So there I was in my size 14s sitting around inside my home, staring at the pictures on the wall (those of you who have ever been to my home, yes I am reffering to the giant picture wall), and crying to my dog.
Yes, crying.
Yes, to the dog.
No, it didn't help.
Because I was still inside, sitting. Hating my body, hating myself for what I'd done to it. Bitterly thinking about every hamburger, fried chicken, cake, cheese coney, loaded potato meal I'd had over the last couple of years. About every sunny day that I'd had a bad attitude and decided, "screw it, I'm gonna catch up on sleep today."
Trust me you guys, hating yourself is in NO WAY a motivator for changing anything. Hate in any form and in any forum will cripple you and will cripple whatever you are trying to accomplish. I hope I haven't lost anybody with a long story about something that doesn't pertain to them, because that is an important thing to know. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE learn that if you didn't know it already!!!!
The healing, growing and changing happened when I decided to get over myself. So I was a size 14, so what? Feeling bad about it wasn't going to make things better, it was only going to make things worse (Can you say, comfort eating? I know I can). I decided to accept it, go buy some clothes that fit me, and get out and do something. I knew that I had done it before, so I can do it again. I know of people who have lose a couple hundred pounds, so for me to get back into my skinny jeans by doing the same thing that they did, eating healthy and being active, it was totally achievable.Looking back now over the last few months, I don't even feel like I've been working very hard, actually. I've been eating a lot of the RIGHT foods instead of a little of the wrong foods, I do fun stuff like the treadmill in the movie room at the gym, riding bikes with my boyfriend (who himself is incredibly active, so that is such a big help!), roller blading with my bff when the weather's nice, etc. Oh, also, throughout the day I drink a few water bottles-worth of water, and I've talken to walking the long way to the bathroom upstairs and back down instead of going to the one down the hall. It's little, but it's better than nothing, ok? I'll admit, sometimes in the beginning it was hard to get motivated. Sometimes I still wanted to catch up on sleep instead of go to the gym. Sometimes I still feel that way. I'm going to the gym after church tonight and by the time it's time to go, I'm probably not going to want to. But I'm going. I AM going. I am going to go.
That extra couple of "I'm going"s were not for you. I know you get it, I was just telling myself.
Ok, I'm good now, moving on. So having read all of that, you know where I'm coming from, and I'm going to give you another chance to get excited with me. Remember back when I was a size 10 and I vacationed and got tan and all that part of the story I was telling you about? Ok, THOSE are the jeans I'm talking about. One of the times I was upset (or moving, I don't remember), I got rid of all my other size 10 stuff. I don't know why, that was stupid. It's like I was telling myself, "Well, it was fun while it lasted, but you're never gonna do that again, these are just taking up space." But I kept those jeans. Those jeans went to the beach with me. Those jeans were once an accomplishment of mine. Those jeans wouldn't come past my thighs this time last year...
This week, I zipped up my skinny jeans.
A little tight, but they felt GOOD. They felt like victory. There is a saying, "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." When that pizza is set down in front of you, and it's got your favorite toppings, and it smells divine, and it's got the melted cheese glistening with pure taste, and you can just smell it's heavenly aroma awakening your senses, you do not believe that saying. You think, "I don't know if it'll tase AS good, but it's gonna taste pretty darn good, I know it!"
But when I zipped up those jeans, I didn't want pizza. I would have fed that whole pizza to the dog. He deserves it, he's put up with a lot of my moodiness, as I mentioned before.
What are you in pursuit of? What are your skinny jeans? It's a small victory, it's not necessarily something life altering. Size 10 isn't even my goal, but it's an important mile marker along the way to me getting back to a healthy weight and size for my height. A healthy single digit weight and size. But the small victories add up. In war, the winner is the side that wins again and again through a series of battles.Maybe you've never had a problem with weight in your life. Maybe there is absolutely nothing wrong with your self image, kudos to you! But If you are alive, you have something that you are looking to overcome. Financially, spiritually, personally, physically, there has got to be SOMETHING that you are currently overcoming. If not, you better check your pulse.
Don't get comfortable, take it from someone who has been there. You think it feels good being in your comfort zone but you're mistaken. It feels so much better to be in the pursuit of something! It feels so much better to achieve something!
Keep on keeping on, people. Whatever you're going through, if someone else has done it, you can do it. If no one has ever done it, you are MEANT to do it, so that other people in your position now can look to you and say, "Well, hey, they did it. I can too!" Whatever "it" is. Taste that victory! Zip up those jeans! I believe in you, I hope you do too.
I know that there are some people out there (and by some people, I mean some guys) who don't understand the massive feeling of achievement that comes with being able to say that sentence.
I'll try to convey the excitement to you, here's my story.I am 5 feet, 10 inches tall and I'm no stranger to carbohydrates. In high school I was really never very active. I loved activities that involved eating, watching tv or movies, and going out with friends (usually to a place where we would be eating or watching tv and movies). My senior year of high school, I topped off at my heaviest in a size 20, and around 220 lbs. On top of that, I went to Anderson High School. Anderson, unless something has changed in the last 5 years, is a school for pretty people. I look back sometimes and wonder if there was some sort of behind the scenes screening process that happened that I was unaware of, because I remember being surrounded by pretty people. Skinny, pretty people.
Not everyone, but those of us who were not skinny pretty people were severely outnumbered, ok?
Anyway, eventually I decided that enough was enough. With the help of my mom and grandma, and Weight Watchers, I started dieting and excersizing and little by little, the weight came off. I was healthier and happier. I overcame depression, got a boyfriend, wore cuter clothes, joined up with stuff at school, I graduated a size 12, and my senior year was the best year of my life up to that point.
The following year I was in a 10 and vacationed on the beach, got a tan, started at UC, got in tight with a close and supportive group of friends from work, spent a lot of time at the lake, and that was the best year of my life up to that point.
The following year I maintained my size, moved to a better paying location at the same job, found myself single and STILL fabulous, kept those close friends, started a business, gained independence by moving out on my own, and dealt with the trials that come with that independence. I went through some hard circumstances that year, but I came out stronger and wiser, and with a renewed faith in Jesus and that was the best year of my life up to that point.
Then a couple of years passed, and I did the one thing that is absolutely murder to productivity. I got comfortable.
I fell into a routine and let a lot of things slip, health being one of those things. over the next couple of years I sloooooowly eased into larger clothes. It was like, "Mmmm, these are a little tight, they must have shrunk in the closet! Stupid closet." I mean, look at where I came from in high school! I still look GOOD! Womens sizes are so hard to read, plus EVERYONE is making everything so much SMALLER these days. Just get the higher size, it's not like other people can read your size tag when you're wearing them anyway. Also, come on, I'm 5'10" I'm not supposed to be TOO small...I made excuses all the way to the mall where I bought my pants in a size 11 again.
Then a 12.
Then a 13.
Then last year, I bought a pair of jeans in a 14, and it hit me. I'm going the wrong way! It hit me like a mack truck when my bff started loosing weight with her personal trainer... while I was gaining the weight with MY personal trainer (Maybe you've heard of him, the Colonel? Mr McDonald? Also sometimes goes by Mr Skyline or uses the female alias, Wendy?).
I was living in the glory of an acomplishment I had once achieved. I had worked hard for something, and I wanted to continue basking in the glory of, "Hey check out how awesome I am!" without doing the work required to maintain it.How many of us do that?So there I was in my size 14s sitting around inside my home, staring at the pictures on the wall (those of you who have ever been to my home, yes I am reffering to the giant picture wall), and crying to my dog.
Yes, crying.
Yes, to the dog.
No, it didn't help.
Because I was still inside, sitting. Hating my body, hating myself for what I'd done to it. Bitterly thinking about every hamburger, fried chicken, cake, cheese coney, loaded potato meal I'd had over the last couple of years. About every sunny day that I'd had a bad attitude and decided, "screw it, I'm gonna catch up on sleep today."
Trust me you guys, hating yourself is in NO WAY a motivator for changing anything. Hate in any form and in any forum will cripple you and will cripple whatever you are trying to accomplish. I hope I haven't lost anybody with a long story about something that doesn't pertain to them, because that is an important thing to know. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE learn that if you didn't know it already!!!!
The healing, growing and changing happened when I decided to get over myself. So I was a size 14, so what? Feeling bad about it wasn't going to make things better, it was only going to make things worse (Can you say, comfort eating? I know I can). I decided to accept it, go buy some clothes that fit me, and get out and do something. I knew that I had done it before, so I can do it again. I know of people who have lose a couple hundred pounds, so for me to get back into my skinny jeans by doing the same thing that they did, eating healthy and being active, it was totally achievable.Looking back now over the last few months, I don't even feel like I've been working very hard, actually. I've been eating a lot of the RIGHT foods instead of a little of the wrong foods, I do fun stuff like the treadmill in the movie room at the gym, riding bikes with my boyfriend (who himself is incredibly active, so that is such a big help!), roller blading with my bff when the weather's nice, etc. Oh, also, throughout the day I drink a few water bottles-worth of water, and I've talken to walking the long way to the bathroom upstairs and back down instead of going to the one down the hall. It's little, but it's better than nothing, ok? I'll admit, sometimes in the beginning it was hard to get motivated. Sometimes I still wanted to catch up on sleep instead of go to the gym. Sometimes I still feel that way. I'm going to the gym after church tonight and by the time it's time to go, I'm probably not going to want to. But I'm going. I AM going. I am going to go.
That extra couple of "I'm going"s were not for you. I know you get it, I was just telling myself.
Ok, I'm good now, moving on. So having read all of that, you know where I'm coming from, and I'm going to give you another chance to get excited with me. Remember back when I was a size 10 and I vacationed and got tan and all that part of the story I was telling you about? Ok, THOSE are the jeans I'm talking about. One of the times I was upset (or moving, I don't remember), I got rid of all my other size 10 stuff. I don't know why, that was stupid. It's like I was telling myself, "Well, it was fun while it lasted, but you're never gonna do that again, these are just taking up space." But I kept those jeans. Those jeans went to the beach with me. Those jeans were once an accomplishment of mine. Those jeans wouldn't come past my thighs this time last year...
This week, I zipped up my skinny jeans.
A little tight, but they felt GOOD. They felt like victory. There is a saying, "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." When that pizza is set down in front of you, and it's got your favorite toppings, and it smells divine, and it's got the melted cheese glistening with pure taste, and you can just smell it's heavenly aroma awakening your senses, you do not believe that saying. You think, "I don't know if it'll tase AS good, but it's gonna taste pretty darn good, I know it!"
But when I zipped up those jeans, I didn't want pizza. I would have fed that whole pizza to the dog. He deserves it, he's put up with a lot of my moodiness, as I mentioned before.
What are you in pursuit of? What are your skinny jeans? It's a small victory, it's not necessarily something life altering. Size 10 isn't even my goal, but it's an important mile marker along the way to me getting back to a healthy weight and size for my height. A healthy single digit weight and size. But the small victories add up. In war, the winner is the side that wins again and again through a series of battles.Maybe you've never had a problem with weight in your life. Maybe there is absolutely nothing wrong with your self image, kudos to you! But If you are alive, you have something that you are looking to overcome. Financially, spiritually, personally, physically, there has got to be SOMETHING that you are currently overcoming. If not, you better check your pulse.
Don't get comfortable, take it from someone who has been there. You think it feels good being in your comfort zone but you're mistaken. It feels so much better to be in the pursuit of something! It feels so much better to achieve something!
Keep on keeping on, people. Whatever you're going through, if someone else has done it, you can do it. If no one has ever done it, you are MEANT to do it, so that other people in your position now can look to you and say, "Well, hey, they did it. I can too!" Whatever "it" is. Taste that victory! Zip up those jeans! I believe in you, I hope you do too.
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