Read this and I'll buy you a cookie

Congratulations! Now I owe you a cookie! Not just any cookie, either, one of those way awesome, gooey on the inside, crispy on the outside, walk by it in the mall and it smells oh, so delicious MALL cookies.

You know what I'm talking about. You're just walking down the mall hall, minding your own business. Maybe you're shopping, maybe just browsing. Maybe you're doing the look-at-your-phone-and-avoid-eye contact with the kiosk worker who wants to talk to you about your skin care/cell phone/hair crimper-curler-straightener/fingernails/chinese massage options. If you're anything like me, you're shopping AND avoiding eye contact, because you ALREADY PURCHASED the nail shiner and hand cream kit, with a second one for free for $75.

Sure, you thought you'd give that second one away. Then you left it sitting out and your dog decided that that picture of the dead sea on the cover looked more enticing than a pile of sausage and bacon, so he tore into it and you came home to a pile of box. Next to a pile of something else, left as a reminder that you need to come home sooner and let him out.

But ok, so you're walking, you're walking, you're walking, you're- Oh MY! What is that magnificent aroma? I feel weak in the knees... Oh, I know what it is... they just pulled a batch of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven at the cookie place. Fresh chocolate chip cookies.

Did you know that there's an extra fee if you use your credit card on a purchase there less than $5? What the heck?

You could buy TWO cookies, but all you wanted was the one cookie.

You could pay the fee, but then you're paying extra money for a non-service.

Now you have it, my real motivation for writing this blog.I want a cookie too.And I'd rather buy an extra cookie for you rather than a lame fee that those cookie people can get rich off of. OH NO YOU DON'T, cookie people. I want cookies for my money. Not fees, cookies.

So the next time you and I are in the mall, and we pass the cookie place, you have to remind me, "Hey Audrey, do you remember that you said if I read your goofy blog about nothing, you told me you'd buy me a cookie?"

And I'll look right at you, right into your eyes and I'll say, "Indeed I did. Let us go and have our cookies." Or something like that, I don't know what I'll say exactly, but I'll agree.

And we will go to the cookie place, you and I!

And we will get their freshest cookies. And if there are some in the oven that are almost finished, we will wait for them.

We will get our cookies, and they will be delicious.

Or maybe they will suck because the cookie place is having an off day, then, and only then, will we double back to an Auntie Anne's pretzel.

As a famous blue monster (known for his love of the delicious round pastery) once said, "C is for cookie, and that's good enough for me."